Family Eats (Mark 3:31-35)
Here’s my message from this past Sunday - my latest in our “Identities and Rhythms” series. You can listen and watch here.
I’m excited to have brought out some of my flannel this week. Now some of you already know this. Your desktop calendar is counting it down. Maybe you have it posted on your fridge. But there are 91 days until Christmas. For real? Can you believe that? Wasn’t it nearly 100 degrees earlier this week?
Now some of us are really looking forward to that. Others of us? Not… so much. Why’s that? Because it means going home. And home for you maybe isn’t a place where relationships go deep and feel very safe. And you don’t feel like people are for you there. Going home means opening up old wounds. And reverting back to the twelve-year-old you. Returning to the place you somehow managed to escape. Where folks are more than willing to drag all your skeletons out of the closet. And parade them in front of your face.
Your mom reminds you to wipe your feet off at the door. Your siblings spoon out the passive-aggressive remarks. Your grandparents pass around the angry glares. And all the cold shoulders leave you with a frosty feeling in your chest. And you’d rather be outside standing in the snow. And what’s more, you have to listen to the inane, insane political rants of your Uncle Eddie - especially when he’s drunk. Could we please watch the Detroit Lions already? Could I please choke on this turkey NOW? Please, Lord? That’s what many of us think of when we think of family.
Now if that’s you - and I’ve been there, for sure - I want to give you some hope today - of an identity that we have together.
The Most Important Equation
But if we want to live the way God made us to live - and if we want to be the type of people He wants us to be - we have to make sure we get the order right. The flow is KNOW —> BE —-> DO.
Now that order is so critical. That’s because we so easily get it turned around. We try to DO certain things. So that we can BE a certain type of person. With the hope that we can KNOW God - and maybe somehow impress him. But the biblical picture is the exact opposite. We KNOW God. Who He is. What He’s done. We then realize our identity in Him. Who we are to BE. We then live, we DO, out of that. Now that leads to living a life in light of the gospel. It glorifies God. It brings us joy. KNOW. BE. DO. We can’t afford to get that wrong.
Now we’ll get back soon to our study through Matthew. But for now, we’re in a brief vision series. And we’ve entitled it “Identities and Rhythms.” We call ourselves a gospel community on mission here in Karis. So far we’ve seen two identities - learners and worshippers - that flow out of gospel. Today and next week, we’ll look at two that flow from community. But, first, before we talk about us, we need to see how it all starts in God.
Take who God is. Why did God create us? Was it because He needed help? No. Was it because He was lonely? Definitely not. Why’s that? Because God has always lived - from eternity past - in community. He is community in and of Himself. He’s a Trinity. Three in one. Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. In unity and love. It’s always been that way. One God. Three persons. Each equally God. And this was way before He ever created.
So why did God make us? To let that community overflow. To share all of that love. So before we go any further here this morning, we have to understand. God is community. Himself. When we talk about imaging God, we do that as individuals. But we also do it together. As we walk in unity and love as the people of God.
Take what God has done. In the gospel, through Christ’s life, death, and resurrection, God has brought us back to Him. Fellowship with Him has been restored. But that’s not all that was accomplished. Our fellowship with one another has also been mended. The gospel not only has a spiritual component, but a social one, as well. Now, by God’s grace and for His glory, we can be one. We can experience love again. And, that leads to a couple of identities. We’ll take the first of those today. But first, let’s jump briefly into that passage we just read.
Christ and His Family
Mark 3 again. First, catch what the crowd says. Jesus is teaching in Galilee. The crowds surround, listening - when his earthly family shows up. We’re not sure exactly where this is. But they ask for Jesus at the door. Verse 32: “Your mother and your brothers are outside, seeking you.” “Hey, Rabbi, your mom’s at the door - your brothers, too. They want to see you.”
Now in a communal culture like that, family was really important. And at this point, they don’t know who this teacher really is. So they expect Jesus to say and do what a respectful Israelite in that day what do. But what He proceeds to say catches them off guard.
Second, then, see how Jesus responds. In verse 33, He says, “Who are my mother and my brothers?” What? Are those at the door lying? Is this teacher disowning them? Really? And then He explains. Verse 34 says that He looks at those sitting around Him, and says this: “Here are my mother and my brothers!” And He goes on: “For whoever does the will of God, he is my brother and sister and mother.”
Now what a shocking statement! Jared Wilson says this serves as both a watershed and a foundation. A watershed? A turning point. A dividing line. Many people then and today say they want to be friends, family, with Jesus. That they think of God like their Father. But those who are family with Him are those who obey God’s will. Or, as Luke’s gospel puts it, they are those who “hear the word of God and do it.”
But Jesus is also laying foundation. For what? For a new family. For the family of God that’s built around Him, that expands around Him. We who live to do God’s will - not through our own effort, but by His grace alone - we become a part of the family of God. Yes, people from all times and all places - a big universal family. But also we come together in specific times in specific places - in a small local family.
Our Identity: Family
We have this identity, our third in this series:
We are gospel family who live and care for each other.
Karis, this is who we are. We are family together. Now this is common terminology today in workplaces - in those trying to create a culture of care. We’re family. Or you’re on a sports team, and people talk about being brothers together. Now I cringe when I hear talk like that - especially from the mouths of Christians.
There’s only one group of people - beyond those in our home - that merits that title of family. And titles like “brother” and “sister” should be used freely, used regularly. But they should be reserved only for those among the family of God. Language reflects reality, or at least it should. But it also serves to shape it. I shouldn’t call Aaron or Bobby “man” or “dude” but rather brother. And Caitlin and Laura, their wives, sisters. It reminds us that we’re family together. Save those other labels for the person in the check-out lane.
Family is what we are, church. That’s what He brings us into, when we’re saved. God adopts us, if we believe, as His own. If we trust in Him, it’s because He’s made us born again. Into His family. He’s our Father and by faith alone. Again, by a faith that leads to wanting to obey His Son. We become His sons, His daughters. Family together. Even brothers and sisters of Jesus.
“Household” is a common term in the New Testament to refer to the church. Ephesians 2:19 puts it this way: “So then you are no longer strangers and aliens, but you are fellow citizens with the saints and members of the household of God.” We’re a part of God’s household, His family together.
That’s why Jesus in the gospels and the apostles in the letters refer to fellow Christians as brothers and sisters. Over and over again. And why we should, too. We’re family. It’s our identity. It’s who we are.
Now back in 2020, we walked through a series looking at all the different metaphors for the church. And we spent a week on family. But I said then - and I still think now - that family is far more than a word picture. I like the way Lee Eclov puts it:
“Almost always… the description of the church as God’s family is regarded as a metaphor, like the bride, field, or temple. But it isn’t really a metaphor at all. God’s household is the very definition of the church. We’re not like a household or family. We are one.” (Lee Eclov)
Now if this is true, that we’re family together, I think that points us to a couple of really important things. Relationships. And commitments.
Take relationships first. We’re talking about kinship. Ephesians chapter two goes on, after that verse we just read, and says, in verse 22: “In Him you also are being built together into a dwelling place for God by the Spirit.” We have the Holy Spirit inside us, if we believe. And, as I’ve said time and time in this pulpit here in Karis: blood may be thicker than water. But Spirit goes much deeper than blood. He, the Holy Spirit, unites us in Jesus. Did you hear that? In Jesus. He brings us together. Not other leaders. Or other causes. Jesus. What brings together the groups of this earth? Affinity. What brings us together? Beauty. The person of Jesus. His work on our behalf. In the Spirit. D. A. Carson explains it this way:
“Ideally, however, the church itself is not made up of natural ‘friends.’ It is made up of natural enemies. What binds us together is not common education, common race, common income levels, common politics, common nationality, common accents, common jobs, or anything of the sort. Christians come together, not because they form a natural collocation, but because they have been saved by Jesus Christ and owe him a common allegiance. In the light of this common allegiance, in light of the fact that they have all been loved by Jesus himself, they commit themselves to doing what he says - and he commands them to love one another. In this light, they are a band of natural enemies who love one another for Jesus' sake.” (D. A. Carson)
We who otherwise wouldn’t have much in common, and who might not even like one another at all, we come together as brothers and sisters. Because of Jesus. And we don’t just choose to put up with one another. We pursue and we experience closeness in Jesus. This is kinship, but also closeness.
Think about our earthly families - at least the healthy ones. We can be ourselves in our homes. We can let our hair down, so to speak. Our family knows us at our best. They have seen us at our worst. We can be authentic. We can be open with one another. That is God’s plan for us among the family of God.
I love the words of 1 John 1, in verses 5 through 7. We’ll be coming back to these in the coming months.
1John 1:5 This is the message we have heard from him and proclaim to you, that God is light, and in him is no darkness at all.
1John 1:6 If we say we have fellowship with him while we walk in darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth.
1John 1:7 But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from all sin.
What’s all the talk about “light” in those verses? It’s about honesty, right? Honesty with God. Open before Him. Honesty with one another. Closeness between us. Completely known. Fully loved. That’s what we’re made for in this family. Deep relationships. Closeness.
But, tragically, that’s not what so many people experience in church today. We try to keep on masks. Try to get out of the light. When trouble comes, we head for the hills. Instead of taking the hard road, and working it through. And we miss out.
Andy Patton, an author and friend, talks about three layers we have to recognize in community: civility, conflict, and accord. Too often, we stay in the top layer. We’re civil. We smile and wave. We only show others the best sides of us. This is the layer of similarity.
Now the middle layer is where conflict comes. Where we experience difference. Where we run into disagreements. Where we get hurt, offended, disappointed and misunderstood. And we have a choice. To go deeper or not. But so often we choose not to. We instead scatter.
Well, if we decide to stay, we grow. And, we end up in the third layer, which is that of accord. This is where true community happens. Where blessing is found. It is, as he puts it, “rugged and weather-beaten and sweet as birdsong. It is innocent again, but has become rich with wisdom. It holds memory but not resentment. It has learned again how to laugh. It releases the poison of the second layer’s pains, but retains the gift of truths discovered there.”
But it takes bravery to get there, Karis. But it’s worth it. To walk in the light. To have relationships marked by closeness. To experience true family. But we so often settle for less. In the words of the great American poet, Drake, “A relationship without trust is like a phone without service. And what do you do with a phone without service? You play games.” What about you?
Now family means relationships. But it also, second, means commitments. It means partnership. And that’s integral to closeness. As John Mark Comer puts it, “Intimacy only resides in the safety of commitment.” Now, we’re born into our earthly families. We don’t have a choice in it at all. And there’s, of course, a sense in which we’re here by God’s choice, for sure. But He wants you, wherever you’re at, to find a church, call it your home, and make yourself a partner in what’s going on. To not go on this quest to “find community,” but rather, to dig in your heels and seek to build it.
That’s why we put so much emphasis on membership here in Karis. And encourage you to actually join a church - wherever you are, for as long as you’re there. Tell a group of elders you want them to care for you. Look at those around you and tell them you’ll care for them. Don’t just sit on the sidelines as a neighbor, keeping people at arm’s length. Become a brother or sister. Don’t just be a boyfriend or a girlfriend - keeping your options open. Covenant with a community. Marry yourselves to them - for at least as long as God has you there. Don’t just be a consumer. Be a partner.
When we talk of commitments, though, we’re also talking about priority. You can’t miss what Jesus is saying in this passage. He’s saying that the family of God is a higher priority than his mother and brothers. And this is at a time that valued family way more than we do. The church that He forms is His “first family.” And it should be ours. As I said earlier, if we’re family, it means we live and care for one another. It’s our highest priority.
Too much of the time, the family of God today is something we get to if everything happens to work out, if we get some extra time. And this has worsened so much due to COVID. But it’s meant to be - with Jesus Himself - the most important thing about us. Our community. Our mission.
But you may say you don’t see how that could possibly work. You have way too much stuff going on in your life. We’ve shared this graphic for years in Karis. It comes from a book called Total Church. We can think of church like this first graphic, where church is something we juggle, right along with work and fun and school and the like. Or we can look at it like the picture in the second - where we see ourselves as “persons in community,” as a family, in the center. We’re there together. And we help one another figure out how to relate all those other things to what is meant to be the center. We take on all those other important things together. And we know that they only find their proper meaning when we have the center right. And that includes our families at home!
For our good, and the good of those around us - and especially God’s glory - we need to recapture what this means. That we’re family together. Again, language matters. The church isn’t a building. It’s a people. Church isn’t an event. It’s a gathering. Hear how Will Basham puts it:
“If in our minds, church is a building, we’ll go to it. If in our minds, church is an event, we will attend it and we will shop for the most pleasant experience. But, if in our minds, and in our hearts, church is a family, we won’t go to it and we won’t shop for it… we will belong to it.” (Will Basham)
What Holds Us Back
But think about what holds us back from this. First, our quest for freedom. Our commitment to autonomy. Tim Keller talks about how “we all want community until it gets in the way of our agenda.” But “we can’t have absolute freedom and have community at the same time.” We all want those relationships, but we bristle at the commitments. Mention community, and we all raise our hand. Bring up accountability and it turns into a fist. But Keller offers these words, blunt, but true, speaking to twenty-somethings today:
“You are the generation most afraid of real community because it inevitably limits freedom and choice. Get over your fear.” (Tim Keller)
Second, think about our fear. Yes, there’s fear of limiting our options, of feeling we’ll miss out. But I’m taking about being afraid of something else. Of being truly known. That’s what so often keeps us from breaking through that second layer or keeps us out of the soil entirely. Author Will Walker says that this is how we normally choose to live: “Keeping people close enough to enjoy, but distant enough to impress.”
What Comes As A Result
Think with me about what comes as a result - if we resist being a part of family. We, first, hurt ourselves. It’s the fear of hurt that makes us run. And we might get hurt. In fact, we no doubt will. Intimate relationships. True commitment. They open us up to hurt. But to healing, as well. And being alone hurts far more. The fear keeps us from being known. And from being loved. We harm ourselves.
We, second, dishonor Jesus. It’s sexy today to talk like this: “I sure love Jesus. But I can’t stand the church.” But see what Jesus thinks of His Church - here in this passage for today. And He gave His life for her, for us, His Body, His Bride. We can’t love Jesus and hate His bride. Say that about my wife, and I’m gonna get hacked. We dishonor Him when we say that. Shouldn’t we rather - for our good, and for His glory, as well, embrace His family? And lean into that identity? That’s His desire for us.
But here’s what you just have to understand. The body of Christ has always had its issues - since it began. Read church history. You may resist the church, but you will still choose a family. The lack of meaning today. And the lack of community. That’s what’s causing people to congregate in these crazy tribes today. Why people are becoming more and more extreme. And hurling rocks and bombs at one another. But Jesus promised - back in that day - that He would build His church. And the gates of hell wouldn’t prevail over it. God is still working - in and through this family. We were made for this. For the family of God. The family that lives to do the will of Jesus.
Our Rhythm: Eating
Now for each of these identities - who we are - we’re also talking about a rhythm that goes along with it - what we do, how we live. And here’s our rhythm that goes with family.
We regularly eat meals as a family, inviting others into the community of God.
Now eating - that’s my love language. And maybe that gets you excited, as well. But we’re talking about more than just food. Food means something in Scripture, right? All the festivals, all the feasts. Meals have great significance in the Bible from the Passover to the Lord’s Supper to the great wedding feast at the end - or rather, the beginning. As God’s people, we should be regularly sharing meals together, but those times around the table represent something. Don’t they?
First, they mean fellowship. Why did Jesus get all the grief from the Pharisees for hanging with the tax collectors, with those sinners? It wasn’t because of the food - or even the drink. It was communicating something to them. He wanted to commune with them. He wanted to get to know them. He wanted to love them. We should come together regularly in our homes and in our cities, laughing together, crying together, enjoying each other, and sharing life with one another. Eating together leads to fellowship, to deep, meaningful community.
Second, these meals show hospitality. What’s that? Welcome. That’s the other thing Jesus was communicating to those Gentiles - welcome. As we open up our homes to one another, we picture the welcome God shows us in Jesus. As we open up our lives to people far from Jesus, we show them the welcome God gives in the gospel of His Son. Hospitality toward the family of God, as well as toward those outside the faith, is a powerful picture of the grace of Jesus.
Eating - these times of sharing fellowship and showing hospitality - should be a regular rhythm of our lives, as Christians, in the family of God.
What Would Have to Change
But think about what would have to change for us to experience this. We’d first have to lay down our lives. It’s not easy - especially in our busy days. We’ll talk about service next week, but one of the most basic ways we can serve is by giving each other our time, our ears, our hearts.
We’d second have to open up our homes. We too much today treat our homes like personal sanctuaries instead of places of welcome. It’s even gotten worse due to the pandemic. Our homes aren’t our “personal space.” They’re gifts of God. Yes, for us - but for our neighbors, our friends, for the last, the least, the lost.
What Would Happen If We Did
Ponder what would happen if we oriented our lives like this - if we did more eating together - other than gain weight. Well, our fellowship would get weightier. Our community would first deepen. More commitment. Deeper relationships. That would result. We’d more and more live as family.
And, second, our community would widen. The family would grow. Hospitality, if you look at the New Testament word, means “love of strangers.” It starts with the family of God, but it’s meant to bring in the world. If we opened up our homes, from those far from God, they’d not only hear; they’d see the gospel in our welcome. And if they saw us, living in deep community together, they might actually want to be a part it, as well. This eating not only blesses the church, but also the world. Imagine our homes more like sanctuary cities - where hurting people could flee for safety, for love. More like cities of refuge, where people come for healing, for hope.
Family and Eating
Much like a couple of weeks back, I want to close with seven probing questions that may help you as you try to apply what I’ve said today.
First, do you see this kind of commitment Jesus calls us to, in family - in you? What might be holding you back?
Second, are you pursuing the kind of relationships that fit with family? Why or why not?
Third, is your life oriented around fellowship with God’s people? In what way might you be replacing that with other groups?
Fourth, is your life open for hospitality toward other Christians - and the world? What do you think keeps you from that?
Fifth, how might hurts from your family or from THE family, the church, be keeping you from running after what we see here? What are you going to do about it?
Sixth, in what ways are you trying to do faith on your own? What would have to change for you to reprioritize God’s people again?
Seventh, how might you be trying to turn the equation around and get God to approve of you through your behavior or this person you create?
Family and Eating
Friends, back to that original equation. Because of who God is. Because of what He’s done in the gospel. We’re family. That’s who we are. And if we’re family, we’re committed to one another. We have deep relationships with one another. And that leads to a rhythm. Of eating with one another. Meaningful fellowship. Rich hospitality. Where we link our lives. And share our ups and downs. And that’s a beautiful thing. It’s what we do.
Maybe you’ve not had that experience in your earthly family. Maybe it’s always left you longing. That can actually be a good thing. Because it points to the ultimate, primary family God has made us for. One that will go on forever and ever in a new heavens and new earth.
Hear me: Jesus understands. Back in verses 20 and 21 of Mark 3, we didn’t go into why our Lord’s family was looking for Him in the first place. They were concerned. And confused. Verse 20 says, “They were saying, ‘He is out of His mind.’” When your parents tell you, “You’re not going to Brazil. That place is dangerous,” Jesus understands. When your family lashes out, when you’re trying to obey God’s word - to do what He says - He gets it. He had to endure that, as well.
But here’s the truth. When we give ourselves to Him, and also to the family of God, we’re finally in just the right place to truly love our nuclear families well. We’re secure in who we are. We know what our lives are for. Our parents aren’t our saviors. Our siblings can’t fill this void inside. So, as we move into the holidays, here’s a reason for Thanksgiving. We have Jesus. He’s made this new family. And in Christmas, our Savior was born, but soon after His church was birthed. And both of those are His greatest gifts. His family eventually “got it.” Let’s pray ours will someday, too. But like Him, let’s love and give ourselves for His Church. Let’s make it our “forever home.” Let us pray, Karis.